Oh, the Data You’ll Show!

Today is your day.
You’re off to make your data presentations!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have pretty charts and graphs in your slides.
With data transparency, you’ll show you have nothing to hide.
You’re on your own, and you know what you know.

But your Data Quality may decide, where it is you may go.

You looked up and down columns, then across every row, with patience and care.
About some data you said, “I think that we need better quality here.”
With your head full of brains, and data under your supervision, 
You’re too smart to advise a not-so-good business decision.

Oh! the Data You’ll Show!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be providing great business insights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you have parallel processing speed.
You’ll analyze the whole database, and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, your data analysis will help you top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true.
Poor Data Quality and Bad Business Decisions can happen—yes, even to you.

You will discover data sources without any meta-mark. 
Nothing is labeled, leaving all business context in the dark. 
Data that could cause quite a chagrin!  Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much could you lose?  How much could you win?

And if you go in, should you JOIN LEFT or JOIN RIGHT—or JOIN LEFT-and-three-quarters?
With this data, you will feel like you are SQL querying blind.
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
For a fine mind-maker-upper to make up their mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start racing down long winding rows at a break-necking pace,
Grinding on for gigabytes across a weirdish and wild tablespace, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Analysis Paralysis Place—for people just analyzing.

Analyzing and analyzing, with no end in sight,
Analyzing and analyzing, with no way to know what’s wrong or what’s right.
Analyzing and analyzing, until three in the morning, and until the Nth degree,
Analyzing and analyzing, refusing to seek help from any business or data SME.

No!  That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that Analysis Paralysis,
And hopefully without any of that costly psychoanalysis.
You’ll discover a way out of that place, so dismal and so dark,
Because when it comes to clear thinking, you’re a bright little spark.

Oh! the Data You’ll Show!

There is fun to be done!  And work too, that’s for sure.  But even work feels like a game you have already won.
The magical things that you can do with data, will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Among your co-workers and friends, everyone and all, you will truly stand the tallest of the tall.
You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole World Wide Web watching you win on YouTube and Google TV.

Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win because you’ll play against you.

All Alone!  Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you will meet, 
Data that scares you and convinces you it’s time to retreat.
There are some operational source systems that regularly do spawn,
Data that can scare you so very much, you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the data quality be most foul.
On you will go though the hidden data defects do prowl.
On you will go though it might take quite awhile, and leave quite a scar, 
You’ll overcome your data’s problems, whatever they are.

Oh! the Data You’ll Show!

Proceed with great care and with great tact, always remembering that,
Data Quality is a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft,
And never mix up your RIGHT JOIN with your LEFT.

Kid, you’ll move data mountains!
Today is your day!
Your data analysis is waiting.
So you had better get underway!

And will you succeed?
Yes!  You will, indeed!
(99.999 percent guaranteed.)


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As you probably already do know,
Since it really does quite easily show,
This blog post was inspired by Oh, the Places You'll Go!